More Than a Long Weekend: Remembering the Fragility of Peace and the Weight of ‘the Knock at the Door’
Photo by David James Heiss
Members of Scouts BSA Troop 44 and American Legion post members help raise a giant American flag in preparation for Memorial Day ceremony.
By David James Heiss
Redlands News Collective
When San Bernardino County Third District Supervisor Dawn Rowe saw a military chaplain and two of her husband’s closest friends from the U.S. Marine Corps approach her door on the Friday of Labor Day weekend in 2004, she assumed she was being summoned in her role with the Marine Corps Key Volunteers to help inform a local family that a loved one had died in combat.
The timing was poor. Her 3- and 5-year-old children had just made a mess with whipped cream, and piles of unfolded laundry littered their Yucca Valley home just outside the Marine Corps base at Twentynine Palms, Rowe told scores of attendees gathered for a Memorial Day reflection at Hillside Memorial Park on Monday.
Rowe, whose husband, Marine Corps Capt. Alan Rowe, was serving his second deployment to Iraq, wanted to make herself presentable before leaving. She had no idea the knock was not a summons to assist someone else.
Alan Rowe had been killed in action after more than 18 years of military service.
“He was a captain when he was killed and was posthumously promoted by President George W. Bush to major,” Rowe said.
Photo by David James Heiss
San Bernardino County Third District Supervisor Dawn Rowe
She shared a private encounter from that period during a meeting with President Bush at Camp Pendleton. While another grieving widow present expressed immense anger toward the commander-in-chief, Rowe chose a different approach, determined to act in a way that honored her husband's memory.
When the president offered his condolences, Rowe recalled telling him, "My family does not represent everyone that you will hear speak loudly in anger today. Remember our family in the quiet times."
The emotional encounter took an unexpectedly lighthearted turn when the president attempted to pin a Gold Star onto her lapel. The pin slipped and landed between her feet.
In that awkward moment, she said the president whispered, “Please don’t bend down to pick that up.”
Due to strict security protocols, neither could easily reach down to retrieve it, prompting a Secret Service agent to step in, recover the pin, and hand it back to the president.
The mishap broke the tension, and the president lingered with the family. Rowe revealed that the president whispered to her, “I don’t know if we made the right decision of what we did in Iraq, but history will tell. But know my heart.”
Further, she said he told her, “For every serviceman that I send into battle, I pay attention. I know each and every one of their stories that had been killed in the line of duty. They matter, and they mean a lot.”
The bond endured; Rowe noted that the former president still sends her family a personalized note every Christmas.
"While we are very politically divided, please know that those who wear the uniform do so willingly, regardless of party affiliation," Rowe told the crowd. "They are willing to die on behalf of our country for your freedoms."
Photo by David James Heiss
Capt. Joel Waites
U.S. Army Capt. Joel Waites, commander of the Redlands Recruiting Company, reminded those gathered that the holiday demands a deeper focus.
“Memorial Day is not about barbecues, warm weekends or sales at the store,” Waites said. “It's about sacrifice. It's about men and women who gave everything they had, so that generations of Americans could continue to live free, and this year that reflection carries even more weight as we approach the 250th anniversary of our nation.”
Waites added that the military ethos transcends modern partisan gridlock.
“That fighting spirit is not about politics, it's not about wealth, it's not about where you come from,” Waites said. “It's about courage, duty, sacrifice, and commitment to something greater than yourself.”
Photo by Greg Schneider
Lloyd Sherman, dressed in his Army uniform, leads a song with the Patriot Horns, an all-volunteer group formed by Greg Schneider eight years ago after attending the Memorial Day ceremony and “enduring canned" music.
“I told my wife, "This is Redlands ... we can do better," Schneider recalls. “In those eight years, we've not had a single rehearsal. I intentionally choose music simple enough for most intermediate musicians to play without practice.”
Photo by Greg Schneider
Members of the American Legion march on their way to post the colors.
The ceremony included a Post Everlasting ritual led by Despak Dorado, commander of American Legion Post 650, and American Legion Post 106 Commander Steve Bell. During the ritual, the names of local service members who died during the past year were called out into the quiet park.
As each name echoed without an answer, Post 106 First Vice Commander Kevin Stonestreet offered a sharp hand salute and declared, “No response.”
Scouts BSA Troop 44 led the Pledge of Allegiance, and Amy Gano performed the national anthem.